Dec. 24, 2021

Narcissists vs. Abusers with Lundy Bancroft Ep. 91

What are the differences and why does it matter?

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Narcissists vs. Abusers with Lundy Bancroft

I appreciate your patience if you've followed my lead-up to interviewing Lundy Bancroft. 


This interview is coming in the nick of time with the holiday season.


Maybe you've been drawn back to the sparkly seasonal web of Love Bombing. 


Maybe you're feeling guilty and questioning whether this version of them is REAL. And you've temporarily forgotten most of the hurtful things they've done throughout your relationship.


Or you're out of the relationship and now managing thoughts and ruminating about interactions and trying to figure out what makes this person tick and WHY they do the things they do.


Lundy covers


  • Differences between the Narcissist and Abuser
  • Why differentiating between them matters.
  • His background and what led him to advocate for women
  • What we as a society can do to create healthy male allies
  • What male abuser programs look like and how successful ones keep in close contact with the woman who's been abused
  • How men and women are conditioned to expect and accept domineering "sexy" qualities
  • Personality disorders vs. abuse orientation
  • Inability to empathize vs. choosing NOT to empathize
  • Healing from trauma and how we can intentionally connect with others who are on the healing journey through Lundy's Peak Living Network (PLN)

Note: this network is not specifically for abuse survivors and is meant for people outside of deep crisis who are able to give 50% and receive 50%. Focus on YOU 100% first, if you're in deep crisis.

You should know

Lundy said, "Both narcissists and abusers do a lot of collecting allies." Boy does that ring true! You may be feeling the destruction and erosion of your reputation or relationships due to their actions. 


You may be regrouping and dealing with trauma from an ongoing invasion of your loved ones and friends network. 


Please take extra good care of yourself and find at least one person who can validate and understand your experience.

  • And if no one near you understands, focus on yourself and do what feels good to lift your spirit.


  • Move physically, pray or meditate, dance around to music, start a short gratitude journal each night and morning to focus on what's good and going right in your life. Look for the tiniest things that make your day.

  • These simple acts can shift you and keep you out of a dark spiral. I'm speaking from experience. These work! :-)

I hope this interview helps answer some questions about abusers and their behaviors. And I would love to know what stood out for you and if more questions surfaced. 



*This post may contain affiliate links, which means I may receive a small commission at no cost to you if you purchase through a link here. I would never recommend a product I don't use or love myself!


Wishing you a Happy and Peaceful Holiday!

Sending lots of Love and Light your way!! 


Love, Steph xoxo